


When the World Comes Crashing Down

by dragonwings948



Series: TARDIS Fam [11]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s12e01 Spyfall Part 1, Internal Conflict, Introspection, Spoilers, Spoilers for Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:33:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: The Doctor's thoughts as she comes face to face with her best enemy.
Relationships: The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor & The Master (Dhawan), Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Series: TARDIS Fam [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1155803
Kudos: 52





	When the World Comes Crashing Down

**Author's Note:**

> This was my second idea for a fic when I originally watched Spyfall! I am so in awe of Jodie's acting in this scene. I've watched it a million times just to see her! And because...well, it's just a brilliant scene! 
> 
> I enjoyed writing terrified, sad, and angry Thirteen much more than I should have...

One moment. One breath. One word. 

That was all it took for everything to change. 

The Doctor couldn’t even begin to count how many times this moment had happened throughout her lives, but this time it was different. The revelation was always the same, she’d give him that. It had started out long ago as an “Oh, dear” (usually followed by “Good grief!”) and had developed into something like “Oh no, not you again.”

But this time…

_ Oh, god.  _

She didn’t need the confirmation, but she looked up at him anyway, waiting for him to voice her worst fear: 

“...or should I say: spy... _ Master.”  _

Her stomach dropped to her toes. It was horror. Terror. The sickest feeling in her stomach. Tears of frustration begging to come forth but her body too stunned to react. 

It was the world crashing down around her. 

“You can’t be.” As much as she knew he could very well be, the alternative was too impossible to think of. Not here, not now. She’d been running from this, from  _ him,  _ from her past; she’d never asked for her friends to get embroiled in this when it finally caught up with her.

But now, they were trapped on a plane with him. There was nowhere to run. 

Thoughts went by in a flash: Nyssa, Martha, Bill--friends who had been damaged from the Master’s ploys. Nyssa and Martha had been able to move on with their lives, but Bill…

_ Bill.  _

She brought her fist to her mouth. Her fingers hurt as she squeezed them tighter. She wasn’t sure if she was going to cry, be sick, scream, or all of the above. Currently, she felt as if she couldn’t even breathe. She couldn’t let anything happen to her fam. She  _ wouldn’t.  _

The Master was still talking, but the Doctor couldn’t focus on anything. Her thoughts were swirling. She reached out to steady herself on one of the seats, to make sure this was actually happening.

Because right now, this was like one of her worst nightmares. 

The Doctor raised her head, starting to get a grip on reality, and saw Ryan looking at her. He was simply confused, nothing more. Graham stared at the Master, the same look mirrored on his face. If only they knew. 

In Yaz’s eyes the Doctor found something a little different. There was fear in her expression, and the Doctor knew she’d been watching her as she reeled, trying to come to grips with what was happening. The sight broke the Doctor’s hearts. Her friends would never look at her the same after this. 

But the Doctor’s mind was still working. Some things still didn’t make sense, and as much as she didn’t want to gratify the Master by asking the questions she was sure he had anticipated, she needed to know.   
“I met O.”

“I know.” 

She tried again, wanting to understand.  _ “Years  _ ago.” 

“I know!” He laughed, obviously enjoying himself as he went on to show them the real O he had kept all this time. 

The Doctor noted that Ryan’s eyes were on the Master now too, struggling to comprehend. But Yaz still looked at the Doctor, like she was waiting for her to come to life. She wanted to tell them all it was going to be okay, but it was too far from the truth for her to even consider saying it. 

When the Master threw O aside like was nothing, that was the last straw. Something boiled inside of the Doctor until she felt her face twitching into something like a snarl. 

What right had  _ he  _ to disregard an innocent life like that? to swagger in here and act like he owned all of them? 

_ All of them.  _

An alarm went off in the Doctor’s brain and she was finally able to move. “I have to warn Barton!” She rushed to the cockpit, adrenaline kicking in and focusing her thoughts, but there was no one there. At the same time the Master instructed her, she looked in the seat. 

_ No.  _

Her heartbeats thundered in her ears, drowning out everything else. She suddenly felt very hot and sticky. The numbers on the bomb, counting down, filled her vision. 

_ Concentrate.  _ She pulled out her sonic as a reflex. The Master yelled, and of course, it  _ would _ be sonic-proof. She glanced over at him and instead briefly met the eyes of all three of her friends, looking to her for the answers. 

They still trusted her. They still thought she could get them out of this. 

The Doctor knew she couldn’t. 

She turned her attention back to the bomb, reaching out but not knowing what to do. Her mind went blank. The only thing she knew were the seconds quickly ticking by, her friends watching her and believing that she was going to save the day. 

“I can’t do it.” It was more than an admittance of failure; she had let her fam down in the worst way. Her voice rose to a hoarse yell as she saw them still standing by the cockpit door. “Get away!”  
She ran out, closed the door, and leaned against it. She hoped, if anything, that the blast would mostly hit her and--

Her ears exploded with pain and she was forced onto her face in the aisle. She took a deep breath as high-pitched ringing in her ears started to make her dizzy. 

_ Not dead. There’s still time.  _

Her friends’ screams surrounded her. The Master came to gloat one last time, and while his cryptic words raised questions, she couldn’t consider them for more than a moment. She was helpless, hopeless, and as the glowing aliens advanced towards her, she found she couldn’t even move. 

In an instant, her stomach flipped upside down and she found herself utterly alone. 

_ Alone.  _

She had never truly known what it meant until now. 

**Author's Note:**

> I think I have at least one more fic from Spyfall coming, centred on the Doctor and the Master; stay tuned!


End file.
